Ciaran Laval

Laval’s estate and Land Rentals have pondered for some time the decision on openspaces. We have often pondered with our head in our hands whilst listening to records by The Smiths. We have come to the conclusion that the time for pondering is over.

We hereby denounce the decision by Linden Lab to increase the pricing on openspaces. We denounce it in the way a middle ages witchmaster denounced witches. This means we are very strongly denouncing the decision, please be in no doubt that we are strongly denouncing this decision. That’s enough denouncing for now.

If it were possible we would allow our shareholders to vote…however we have no shareholders, we’re an evil dictatorship but this doesn’t mean we aren’t outraged. Whereas the impact to Laval’s estate and Land Rentals is minimal, our faith and trust in Linden Lab has been shattered, to put it another way: “In Linden Lab we don’t trust“.

We understand fully that Linden Lab are a business, we wish they’d recognise the concept of inworld business too. Rash and ill conceived decisions damage the world as a whole. Linden Lab simply must start to think systemically.

We welcome the recent appointments of Frank Ambrose (despite having the silly name of FJ Linden), Tom Hale (despite having the silly name of T Linden) and Howard Look (who has the acceptable name of Howard Linden). However to be honest, such has been the ineptitude in the openspace decision that we’d have welcomed the appointments of Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub.

We call upon Linden Lab to appoint a “SVP of treating residents with respect”. The role will entail not disingenously trying to point to knowledgebase articles that had long been outdated by custom and practice, especially when changing a product makes it more attractive to those not using them in the manner suggested by the knowledgebase article. That rules Jack and M out of the running as they’ve exemplified spin that New Labour would be proud of.

We will also be orchestrating a disorganised protest within our boardroom that will involve, but not be limited to:

Giving Jack the frowning of a lifetime.

Giving M a frowning of disbelief.

Giving Jeska some bling stripper heels.

Renaming Katt; Miss Communication.

Giving Zee the frowning of a year or two, Zee got time off for good behaviour for actually engaging with residents in the forum, although he’s still very much part of the problem when it comes to decisions like this.

The damage to Laval’s Estate and Land Rentals due to this decision is minimal, a pimple on the backside, indeed the only conversation we had with the receivers was to invite them over for a glass or two of bubbly to celebrate the drop in VAT in the UK. However we hung up before they answered and popped the cork back in the bottle as we realised that in thirteen months time we’ll be paying more in National Insurance contributions.

We want a strong Second Life, we want an enjoyable Second Life, we want a Second Life where flowers bloom, birds sing, sun shines, Katt wears a leather catsuit and carries a whip, children laugh, adults smile, bees buzz. We want music, romance and dance.

What we don’t want is poor policy decisions from Linden Lab, policy decisions that could be avoided, policy decisions that should be avoided. What disappoints us most about the openspace decision is Linden Lab’s refusal to acknowledge their role in this fiasco. They knew how they were being used, they knew what had led to the explosive growth, residents made business decisions and choices such as converting full islands to openspaces because Linden Lab were so happily selling them. The fact that Linden Lab then turn around and place all the blame on the residents is quite frankly appalling.

There are big estate owners out there who have backed Linden Lab every step of the way who are now facing a humungous financial quandry. Linden Lab should not have turned their back on the very people who have assisted their growth. Biting the hand that feeds you is never a good idea, but in terms of trust, the way Linden Lab have tried to wriggle out of taking any responsibility has been very damaging.

We feel that Linden Lab need to be creative with their pricing structure, they also need to apologise in public for the openspace debacle, the fact that they haven’t properly apologised speaks volumes. If they want to start earning back trust, they need to apologise. They should also cancel the second price hike, it’s an easy way of restoring some semblance of trust and at this point Linden Lab shouldn’t be looking a gift horse in the mouth.

We will continue our plots for world domination and shall probably be involved in some sort of ritual of the black arts involving witches and broomsticks when you read this, we’ll also probably be trying to explain to a neighbouring parcel owner why we’re buck naked in the middle of their field, we still can’t get that teleport spell working right.

We wish you all well, may your days be merry and bright and may all your Christmas’ be white.

Ciaran Laval, Chief Evil Dictator, Laval’s Estates and Land Rentals.